I love chat up lines (but only as a source of fun), I’d never use a chat up line – honest! Here’s a list of funny chat up lines that I have found, been told or heard used within my hearing. If you know any more please let me know. Be warned some of these are rude and are Not Safe For Work.

Chat Up Lines Gone Bad

• Guy: “Haven’t I seen you someplace before?”
• Girl: “Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore”
• Guy: “Would you like to dance?”
• Girl: “I don’t like this song and I wouldn’t dance with you.”
• Guy: “I’m sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you have a fat a***. “
• Guy: “Haven’t we met before?”
• Girl: “Perhaps. I’m the receptionist at the VD Clinic.”
• Guy: “Is this seat empty?”
• Girl: “Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.”
• Guy: “So, wanna go back to my place?”
• Girl: “Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock?”
• Guy: “Your place or mine?”
• Girl: “Both. You go to yours and I’ll go to mine.”
• Guy: “I’d like to call you. What’s your number?”
• Girl: “It’s in the phone book.”
• Guy: “But I don’t know your name.”
• Girl: “That’s in the phone book too.”
• Guy: “So what do you do for a living?”
• Girl: “I’m a female impersonator.”
• Guy: “Hey, baby, what’s your sign?”
• Girl: “Do not Enter”
• Guy: “How do you like your eggs in the morning?”
• Girl: “Unfertilised!”
• Guy: “Hey, come on, we’re both here at this bar for the same reason.”
• Girl: “Yeah! Let’s pick up some women!”
• Guy: “I know how to please a girl.”
• Girl: “Then leave me alone.”
• Guy: “I want to give myself to you.”
• Girl: “Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.”
• Guy: “If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.”
• Girl: “If I saw you naked, I’d die laughing.”
• Guy: “Your body is like a temple.”
• Girl: “Sorry, there are no services today.”
• Guy: “I’d go through anything for you.”
• Girl: “Good! Let’s start with your bank account.”
• Guy: “I would go to the end of the world for you.”
• Girl: “Yes, but would you stay there?”

Harry Potter Chat Up Lines

• Have you heard of Platform 9 and 3/4? Well, I can think of something else with the exact same measurements.
• If I were to look into the Mirror of Erised, I’d see the two of us together.
• You must be magical, because I’ve fallen under your spell.
• If you were a Dementor, I’d become a criminal just to get your kiss.
• I know we’re not in Professor Flitwick’s class, but you still are charming.
• Being without you is like being afflicted with the Cruciatus Curse.
• I’d let you handle my wand any day!
• Interested in making some magic together? My wand is at the ready.
• I must have had some Felix Felicis, because I think I’m about to get lucky.
• I’ve been whomping my willow thinking about you.
• You are like a bottle of Skele-Gro: You’re growing me a bone.
• I’m not wearing an invisibility cloak, but do you think I could still visit your restricted section tonight?
• Have you been using the Petrificus Totalus spell? Because you’ve made me stiff.
• Why don’t you and me go look for the Room of Requirement?
• Are you using the Confundus charm or are you just naturally mind blowing?
• You can have the portkey to my heart.
• Is that a wand in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?