Oxford University researchers have discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it slows every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

Recent experiments have discovered that Governmentium will react in a unusual fashion with Gold and Silver and is capable of disassociating Gold and Silver from other compounds even when the compounds are tightly bonded to the Gold or Silver. If exposed to pure Gold and Silver, regardless of amount Govermentium seems to absorb the Gold and Silver without producing any significant products. Sciene has yet to discover where the Gold or Silver goes as it appears to vanish.

Governmentium can be found in a variety of different types usually referenced by their colours, these colours occur in varying amounts; yellow and blue are more prominent, followed by red. Occasionally a rare piece of Green Governmentium can be found, sometimes other colours appear to be green on the surface but inside they are really another colour. There have been rare examples of pieces of Governmentium changing from one colour to another.

It is not advisable to combine different colours of Governmentium as combining two colours of Governmentium will stop the progress of any reaction often bringing it to a complete stop even if Governmentium is isolated and no longer part of the process.

Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.